Travel: The Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World

THE BARE FACTS
Title: The Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World 2005
Author: Bob Sehlinger
Publisher: John Wiley & Sons
Date of Publication: 2004 (the dirty sneaks)
Pages: 798
Grade That Means Nothing Coming From Me: B+

SO BASICALLY, IT’S ABOUT…Every ride, hotel, restaurant, nightclub, water slide, parking lot and restroom in the immediate vicinity of the biggest and most popular vacation spot on the continent. Located, described, and reviewed for your edification.

WHY’D YOU WANNA READ THAT?
Me and the little lady found ourselves with a chance to spend a weekend in sunny Orlando. A little study seemed in order.

AND HOW’D THAT WORK OUT FOR YOU?
Anywhere you go, a travel book is going to offer suggestions on sights to see, and lovely places to spend your downtime. But Walt Disney World isn’t a vacation; you are locked in mortal combat, pitted against your fellow tourists in a battle to see who can get the maximum enjoyment out of their trip. To aid you in your quest, there are many books telling you how to do Disney right, but none embraces the concept of vacation-as-amphibious-landing quite as whole-heartedly as does this one. Through the use of computer analysis, Sehlinger and his team have devised a number of carefully organized, rigidly-timed touring plans for all of your potential destinations. It’s an imposing display, and I was certainly impressed at the work that went into this effort. Naturally, we completely ignored the touring plans.

This is, of course, not the kind of book you read straight through. You hone in on the parts you need, and bypass the rest. But there is useful information to be gleaned from the material you skipped. You may not be a family of five, but you can learn a lot about the mindset of all the families of five around you. For one thing, you can discover the startlingly high number of rides that have terrified children at one time or another. Who knew that the 3-D films at Epcot and Animal Kingdom could be so traumatizing to children? I mean, scarred-for-life trauma. Really? Are you kidding? The bug movie? Sounds like there are a lot of pansy-ass children out there, if you ask me.

The use of outside voices is what gives this book a leg up on the competition. The authors wear the “unofficial” moniker proudly, and take full advantage of the opportunity to be blunt. They have visited every hotel and every restaurant several times, so their opinions have the weight of informed thought. But they happily include reader comments, which sometimes utterly contradict the book’s evaluations. This is refreshing, in that it feels like asking a group of friends for an opinion, assessing their comments, and proceeding as best you can. It can be frustrating, though, to realize how far the width and breadth of human opinion can run. There’s always somebody who likes or hates something. In the end, you have to do what’s best for you.

A bonus for me was the inclusion of tiny bits of trivia from Jim Hill, whose website is a treasure trove of interesting behind-the-scenes anecdotes about the Walt Disney Company. He’s totally at home in the “Unofficial” environment. And at least once, he gave me something to look for on a ride that I never knew before. (Hint: members of the Hall of Presidents appear in very different guises in Spaceship Earth. So if you ever wondered what William Howard Taft would look like if he shaved the mustache and put on eye makeup…)

SHOULD I READ THIS?
There are a lot of guides out there. Each one offers something different. Birnbaum’s, for example, has the official Disney imprimatur, which means lots of helpful pictures, the best maps, and full descriptions of attractions, but no critique at all. The DK guide is visually attractive, but doesn’t have much in the way of detail. You kind of have to sit in the bookstore and decide what information you need to get out of a tour book, and buy appropriately. If a text-heavy guide with a wide range of opinions and carefully-planned trip itineraries is what you need to get the job done, then this is your book.

And if you try one of the touring plans, let me know how that works out for you.

Shane Wilson is a writer and contributing editor to The Greenroom .